Do you believe, like really believe in heaven? I always have. I never questioned it or doubted it to be true. It just was, I was certain of it.
My faith has certainly carried me through the past several months. It’s probably the only thing keeping me from a rubber room (although if they have rubber rooms at the Peninsula I might consider it). Anyway, for the past several weeks I have struggled with heaven. You see, now I have my baby who went to heaven, he is not strong and funny like my uncles, or best friends with God like my grandma. He is an innocent little baby boy who relied on his family for everything. So it’s confusing for me, because when these other people went to heaven, I was never challenged to think about how they existed there. They were independent. But now, my baby, he needs so much. So this would confuse me because it’s very difficult for me to remove my human element from this. I know TJ only as my perfect, human son. Then when I originally thought about him in heaven, I still added the human element, eating an orange, playing with his buddies. So I guess I’ve been seeking knowledge about this, about what heaven is.
I was talking to my friend about this and she said sometimes you just have to be open to the possibilities and then you will know.
Yesterday I read this beautiful blog written by a mother who also lost her son. In one of her more reaching entries she suggested blowing “love bubbles.” Essentially, you think about your baby in heaven, put your thoughts in a bubble, blow them upwards and pop, poof your loved one receives them. I know, I said it was a reaching entry. Not my thing, sort of lame, not gonna do it. I honestly thought this to be completely hokey and disregarded it.
Last night I was playing house with Kendall. No, I am not a perfect, pinterest mother who loves to play house, I just have a four year old who does. So, I find an excuse to exit the “house” for a minute. While I’m gone, Kendall, the dog, must have noticed or found interest in a bottle of bubbles that has literally sat on a shelf in TJ’s room untouched in probably forever. However, this bottle of bubbles is one of the few things that remained on the shelf in TJ’s room after we packed up the nursery.
Anyway, I walk back in and Kendall is blowing bubbles. No big deal. So, I consider “sending” the bubbles up to TJ in heaven. Yea, that’s not gonna happen…can’t do it, too weird. But then, I just feel compelled to say, “Hurry Kendall, pop that one before TJ gets it!” Kendall turns, jumps, and just before his big sister reaches it…
POP!
We had the best time popping bubbles with TJ last night and I think I know for sure now. My little angel is in heaven. Thank you God, this mommy needed some more time with her baby.
I love you little guy! Let your faith be bigger than your fears.
My faith has certainly carried me through the past several months. It’s probably the only thing keeping me from a rubber room (although if they have rubber rooms at the Peninsula I might consider it). Anyway, for the past several weeks I have struggled with heaven. You see, now I have my baby who went to heaven, he is not strong and funny like my uncles, or best friends with God like my grandma. He is an innocent little baby boy who relied on his family for everything. So it’s confusing for me, because when these other people went to heaven, I was never challenged to think about how they existed there. They were independent. But now, my baby, he needs so much. So this would confuse me because it’s very difficult for me to remove my human element from this. I know TJ only as my perfect, human son. Then when I originally thought about him in heaven, I still added the human element, eating an orange, playing with his buddies. So I guess I’ve been seeking knowledge about this, about what heaven is.
I was talking to my friend about this and she said sometimes you just have to be open to the possibilities and then you will know.
Yesterday I read this beautiful blog written by a mother who also lost her son. In one of her more reaching entries she suggested blowing “love bubbles.” Essentially, you think about your baby in heaven, put your thoughts in a bubble, blow them upwards and pop, poof your loved one receives them. I know, I said it was a reaching entry. Not my thing, sort of lame, not gonna do it. I honestly thought this to be completely hokey and disregarded it.
Last night I was playing house with Kendall. No, I am not a perfect, pinterest mother who loves to play house, I just have a four year old who does. So, I find an excuse to exit the “house” for a minute. While I’m gone, Kendall, the dog, must have noticed or found interest in a bottle of bubbles that has literally sat on a shelf in TJ’s room untouched in probably forever. However, this bottle of bubbles is one of the few things that remained on the shelf in TJ’s room after we packed up the nursery.
Anyway, I walk back in and Kendall is blowing bubbles. No big deal. So, I consider “sending” the bubbles up to TJ in heaven. Yea, that’s not gonna happen…can’t do it, too weird. But then, I just feel compelled to say, “Hurry Kendall, pop that one before TJ gets it!” Kendall turns, jumps, and just before his big sister reaches it…
POP!
We had the best time popping bubbles with TJ last night and I think I know for sure now. My little angel is in heaven. Thank you God, this mommy needed some more time with her baby.
I love you little guy! Let your faith be bigger than your fears.