I heard from Mary Fish, Super Teddy’s mom, on the day of the anniversary of his diagnosis, and then yesterday was Wesley’s anniversary of earning his cape (Menkes boys earn capes rather than wings, because let's be honest, they are superheroes). So, clearly, I am at a new low. I was able to be strong, hold God’s hand, lead my family, when it was just us, but I let everyone in, and with that, I let in the truth. It’s hard!
It is hard, it’s been the worst year I can remember and that was before TJ joined the superhero boys. I come from a family that puts My Big Fat Greek Wedding to shame. And we’ve had a year!!! It has been good, bad, up, down, and everything in between. We have had our share of bad hands dealt, but we have always carried each other through. This year has been different. We have lost two of our leaders. One on each side. But it comes in threes.
Come on, you know everyone says it. Who’s next? We’ve lost Uncle Don and we’ve lost Uncle Steve, who’s next? I rode in Em’s car, TJ strapped in with his crazy cousins and we discussed this strange theory. We debated, who would make three. I know this family doesn’t deserve a break, I know it could be worse, but we are down, we are hurting, we are beaten. Today was the first day I asked why.
Why me, why us, why? It hurts, it does. I don’t wish this on anyone else, I promise. I don’t even think I’m mad. I just, today, wonder why. It hurts so bad, it hurts deeper than I ever knew I could hurt. I can’t breathe today. I am so sad, so miserable, so in love. God, I need you today, I need you more than I can explain.
Pray for me; pray for us. Pray for our little guy.
Isaiah 40:11 New International Version (NIV)
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
I love you little guy! Let your faith be bigger than your fears.
Just a few of the crazy folks we call family. xo