This is only news. Good for Kendall, yes, but just news for me, just static.
I’m not looking for a replacement baby. No one could be as perfectly, perfect as TJ. So, it’s not good news. In a way it’s almost bad news. Like guess what, most moms who have a son with Menkes are carriers and they had a 50/50 chance of having a son with Menkes. But you? Congratulations, your son’s gene just mutated on its own. He’s the lucky winner of a fatal failure of nature.
Yes, I’m sulking. I’m sulking because when that sperm and egg met, they didn’t have this fate. They just had perfect little TJ. Then he grew in my tummy and in one second of time something went wrong. I had him, he was perfect and safe, and now he is not. I think that deserves a little sulking.
I know your rooting for me. You think I’m gonna pull out of this one. I will, just not today.
I was in a head-on collision on my way to work at 17 weeks pregnant. The car was totaled and I spent the night in the hospital. They feared that I might have internal injuries and convinced Tom and me that I needed a CT scan. The lady who gave me the CT scan screwed up with the dye and they had to do a second CT scan. My arm was also badly banged up, so they had to x-ray that too. They said TJ would be ok. He just might have a 1% greater chance of Leukemia than the general population. TJ is not ok.
Want to know what? The driver that flew across two lanes of traffic and hit me head-on when I was 17 weeks pregnant, he didn’t have a license. He didn’t have insurance. He was not a citizen of our country. He was not here legally. Did he kill TJ?
I don’t know what to think today. I have a lot to pray about. It’s a hard day. I will find peace in this too. I will let God speak when He’s ready. I can’t hear Him right now. I know this is good for Kendall, for my family, but who’s looking out for TJ.
I love you little guy! Let your faith be bigger than your fears.
P.S. My awesome cousin JoAnne nominated me for a surprise having to do with moms. I was selected! Wahoo! I go on Windy City Live tomorrow morning. Can’t wait!!! Ohhhh Menkes, you don’t want to get on JoAnne’s bad side.
P.P.S. Thanks for not changing your profile picture. I love those ribbons. I’d also love a Team TJ idea. Team Teddy actually offered to share the Super T. Now that’s team spirit. But that Super T is for the most super superhero ever, Super Teddy. So what should we do for TJ? He needs his name in lights.
P.P.P.S. Thanks for all the letters, messages, comments, and the like, they keep me going. I’m already starting to feel better thinking about all of you and what you will come up with for TJ.
P.P.P.P.S. Ok, I pulled out of it. Go Team TJ!!!!